Warning; The Easter Bunny does not visit mothers who can't control their road rage.

Per Wesley.  This apparently doesn't need to be elaborated on as directed by my son. 

Warning: God help us if Perry Mason starts defending juveniles.

So we've been out these past few days from school.  To date, there have been 12 (yes, 12) fights between Wesley and Regan, 2 fights between Wesley and the Collie, 1 nervous breakdown (me), 3 emergency runs to the store for Diet Dr. Pepper and so on.

In addition to all these situations, my children have apparently decided to become lawyers.  Below is a sampling of possible illegal activities I have conducted:

1.  It is illegal for me to forbid Wesley from activating a Netflix account downstairs in the den.  He contends that I am a Dictaphone (I think he meant dictator) and I "trample on his rights."

2.  Telling Regan she cannot be a

• gator wrestler (Gator Boys),
• a surfer (after watching "Soul Surfer),
• a veterinarian,
• an employee of the Houston SPCA (thanks Animal Planet),
• a race car driver (much appreciated Danica Patrick),
• a doctor for turtles (this was an offshoot of the time Darby brought a humongous turtle up to the deck to play with it),
• a dog trainer (thank you Petsmart),
• a builder of monkey homes (I dunno.  From Tarzan, maybe?),
• a worm breeder (I don't who put that idea in her head),
• and a school teacher

violates her dreams. 

She wants to do this by the time she is sixteen years old.  She has just a mere 6 years to go.

In my defense, I told her she can do anything she puts her mind to bu she still has to pass fourth grade so she'd better do her math homework. 

3.  When I handed Wesley his folded clothes, I committed a deadly assault.  He wanted to call the police to have me arrested but I told him they were closed until 9:00 a.m.  Fortunately, he forgot about his threats since I am still a free person.

4.   The chore of feeding the dogs once a day is a clear case of blackmail.  I don't know how but Wesley insists that I am an evil blackmailer.

5. When I made an emergency Diet Dr. Pepper run last night, Regan said I abandoned her.  Never mind that Dave was at home with her--I still have temerity to leave and come back.

6.  Lastly, when I told both Wes and Ray at separate times that I did not want to bake cookies, I was called a dictionary by Ray.  After I stopped laughing, Regan stomped her feet, made a "UUUHHHH" noise and ran outside.  Wesley just started his usual diatribe aka, "I am starving to death and all we have to eat is garbage..." yada, yada, yada.  Oh, and I am starving my children by making them eat nutritious food.



Dear Readers, I implore you to write your local legislature to clarify some murky issues in laws in your respective state and/or country.  Don't wait until Perry Mason names you in a civil lawsuit on behalf of your kids.

Warning: Your children probably have super powers.

Did you know that my children have superpowers of their very own? Wesley is actually Captain Miserable. He's able to make everyone spitting mad when they come within 3 feet of him. Want revenge on a co-worker? Captain Miserable will deliver his special brand of pissiness to your office mate resulting in your co-worker quitting.

His sidekick, Regan, is Princess Lose It. She can misplace anything. Have a car you don't want? Princess Lose It can hide it just by looking at it.

I will transport them to your location for a free weekend demonstation!

Matching hat and scarf!

I have lost my beloved Twinkle Handknits hat and matching scarf:(

Since I do car riders at school in the morning, I really need a hat.

I absolutely love the pattern for the Super Bulky Button Hat from Kaleidoscope.  It is such a fast yet nice looking hat.  I used a Bernat Softee Chunky in the Nature's Way color and the cream colored Berant Chunky (the name of the colorway escapes me) instead of the Malabrigo Chunky it called for.  Yes, it's not a natural fiber but at the rate I lose scarves and hats but it seemed prudent to buy cheaper yarn.  The colorway is beautiful.

Ray is modeling it.



Instead of the button, I used a clip on flower.  That way, I can change up the accent if needed.

I then went to the scarf.  I started of with the cream and did something.  I cast on 15 stitches using size 17 needles.  The white part looks like two pyramids--one standing wide base up and the other inverted.   The next pattern was a simple checkerboard.  The next is YO and K2tog.  The next is plain old knit.  Then back to the YO pattern, checkerboard and inverted.  Kind of wonky.

Merry Christmas!

May you have all the Presence you need!

Warning: Necessity is really THE mother of children

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.  I've concocted stories lies to make parenting easier.  The following is a partial list of the little white lies whoppers I've told to my children:

1.  The M in McDonald's does not mean that they only serve children on Mondays.

2.  Toys R Us is not really a toy museum and you can really touch the toys.

3.  Seeing a toy to buy on a commercial, well, is easier to buy that I've let on.  When the announcer says, "You must be 18 to buy," it does not mean that the child who would play with said toy has to be 18 years old to buy it.  In reality, I, as the parent, could buy it.

4.  There is not really a shortage of Wii games because of El Nino.

5.  The police didn't really threaten me with prison if you didn't eat all your veggies.

6.  The dogs will not really protect you if there is a zombie outside your window.  Since it is 1:30 a.m. when you stumbled down the hall to wake me and the dogs didn't even stir, it's a safe bet to say that Zack and Darby would probably sleep through an Undead Apocalypse.

7.  Even though taking Holy Communion will fill you up spiritually, this one little wafer will not tide your hunger over until we get home thirty minutes later. (I think Wesley has caught on to that one)

8.   Mommy is hiding the bag of jelly beans from you.  The dogs do not have the capacity or the thumbs to to open my secret stash so there is only one reason for the hiding--I don't want you to eat any jelly beans until I can fish out all the red ones.

9.  Telling my daughter that taking a sip of my coffee will result is in new orthodontia is really horrible.  I know that but in my defense, I need all my morning coffee.

10.  When I ask for patience during our morning prayer to school, it's not for parenting.  Rather it is for biding my time until I can escape to a tropical island without detection.

Bonus Lie:  I don't watch cartoons to monitor their content.  I just like cartoons.

For all of these sins and the ones I'm sure I've done but cannot remember because my daughter drank my coffee again, I am sorry.

For those heroes who were, are and will be teachers....

 

Earthbound Angels

I saw earthbound angels today

Lifting others with their grace

Always trying and sometimes falling

A shine within their peaceful face.

 

Some were holding hearts and hands

With their charges throughout the day

When the moon dripped diamonds in the night,

The angels still protected as they pray.

 

And in the end their children know

To come to them for love

For earthbound angels are teachers

Who are sent from up Above.